Tools to Improve Self-Confidence
And two myths surrounding confidence
“Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're probably right.” - Henry Ford
What is confidence and where does it come from?
Well, the old guard would tell you that it comes from two places:
It's innate: you either have it or you don't
It comes from doing excruciatingly difficult things
Thankfully, advancements in psychology can tell us otherwise. But first:
What is confidence?
In my opinion, confidence is the belief we have in ourselves and our abilities to handle the tasks at hand. Let's pause here.
Confidence is NOT the ability to handle the task at hand, it's our belief in our ability. There is a subtle, yet profound difference. Our thoughts have an enormous impact on our confidence, and our confidence level can greatly influence our efforts and outcomes. When we feel confident and prepared, we're much more likely to give it our full effort.
Where does confidence come from?
It depends. There are essentially two approaches:
outside→ in
inside→ out
Dr. Zuleger and I talk about this extensively in this podcast episode, but many people are stuck in an outside→in approach. Honestly, looking back at my own athletic career, this approach was heavily influenced my thinking early on.
Outside→ in thinking is essentially when we get confidence from our results and accomplishments and positive attention. We're feeling great because we're doing great! This type of confidence can be really powerful when you're on a roll, but what happens when you meet your match or face a setback?
We see this a lot with the shooting stars that fizzle out…the super talented youth who never really tap into their potential as they get to the next stage.
As Dr. Zuleger said in our podcast:
“It's easy to be confident when you're head and shoulders better than everyone else.”
But quite often, our physical skills can actually mask the (lack of) mental skills. When the athlete who has always been better, faster, stronger faces that adversity or an equally skilled challenger, it tends to expose the fact that they haven't been intentional in the developing their mental skills.
Worse yet, if the confidence they felt in life came from their accomplishments or praise from others and that well dries up, their whole life feels like it comes crashing down (speaking from experience…).
Inside→out thinking is the other way around. It starts with developing powerful self-esteem; building deep roots that allow you to weather the storms of performance and life. Our confidence is then an extension of this self-esteem, connected to it but (somewhat) independent as well. An individual branch of the tree.
Unfortunately, a lot of people think that if you want to be “great” you need to have your whole identity be dependent on your performance. This can drive us to greatness, but at what psychological cost? How many elite athletes or phenomenal artists have struggled with mental health issues after stepping away from their careers. Just check out this interview with Michael Phelps:
The argument is that if we don't care how well we perform, then we won't care to do the things it takes to perform well. Sure, but I believe there's a healthy level of this somewhere between obsession and apathy. The irony in having a strong enough self-esteem that it doesn't matter how well (or not well) we do is that it frees us up to take more chances and put ourselves out there. It's actually a lot easier to take risks if the downside isn't devastating.
But once we have that in place (or are at least working towards it):
How do we develop and maintain sport specific confidence?
We all likely want to be confident people in life, but confidence is both broad and narrow. Just because I'm feeling good about myself generally doesn't mean that I'll be confident on the start line of a race.
Five qualities we want to develop:
Purpose
Optimism
Self-efficacy
Mental toughness
Curiosity
Thinking back to our confidence as a belief system: it's not necessarily our ability but our thinking around it. Thus, where we direct our focus and attention is crucial.
Purpose:
Confidence often wants evidence. When we have high quality practice that purposefully accounts for our sport specific demands, that confidence comes a lot easier. Be intentional about what you do. Being purposeful doesn't mean being perfect. Keep the main thing the main thing. Are you training to hit numbers, or are you training to improve? Do you know what the main levers are and how to measure progress? Many great athletes know a lot about their sport, but yet they still have a coach. Why? Because they know we’re often blinded by our egos and can easily get in our own way by focusing on things that don’t actually matter. Coaches are here to help :) (just hop over to forgingirontraining.fit to see how I might be able to help you!)
Optimism:
Both fear and faith are beliefs in outcomes that haven't yet occurred. We get to choose where we direct our attention. More to come on visualization in future posts. Optimism isn't all positivity either. We can stay grounded in reality while still focusing on the potential good.
Self-efficacy:
Self-efficacy is our expectation for success at a specific task. When we have more process oriented goals, we can shift those expectations to be a little more within our control and have a higher probability of success. I often see the opposite: if our expectation for meeting our performance or result oriented goal goes out the window, we tend to throw the towel along with it. Confidence isn’t hyping yourself up to be more than you are, it’s actually pure honesty about where you’re at so your expectations can match them.
Mental Toughness:
Mental toughness is not performative junk like running shirtless in freezing temperatures or doing burpees until we puke. Toughness is about responding to adversity. Doing hard things does develop confidence, but primarily when it's done intentionally around developing how they'll respond to those unexpected challenges. It’s knowing that the rain delay at a track meet doesn’t need to throw off our game, or smiling and relaxing in the face of pressure and boos at the free throw line.
Curiosity:
Confidence isn't braggadocio. It's honest self-assessment coupled with wondering what might happen. It's understanding results as a form of feedback, rather than an indicator of who we are. If we see a workout or a race that scares us because we don't know if we can do it, and try as we might to be hopeful it will go well we are still unsure, curiosity allows us to say: I'm not sure how it will go, but I'd like to find out!
—
There are certainly more tools to help us develop our sport confidence, some of which we'll talk about in future installments like self-talk and visualization. But hopefully this gives you a good place to start.
A fun exercise to finish up:
On a scale of 1-10, 1 being highly doubtful and 10 being completely confident, how confident are you that you'll reach your current goals?
Whatever your number was, ask yourself two follow ups:
why did you say your number instead of just 1?
what would it take for you to move up by 1 confidence point?
These questions can help direct your attention to the things you're already doing well and help you utilize your strengths and resources, as well as figure out more precisely which of these tools might help you feel a little more convicted that you'll reach your goal.
Until next time, happy training!
Coach Griffin
If you enjoyed this, you’ll like our 2 part episode on building mental strength and leadership skills with Dr. Zuleger:
also on Apple: Part 1 & Part 2
Sources:
Williams, J. M., & Krane, V. (2021). Applied Sport Psychology: Personal Growth To Peak Performance. McGraw-Hill Higher Education.